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Casual Dating MN Kasson 55944 These things aren't easy and of us have the same tendencies. Personally, my own versions of this issue took a time to really fix. The first step was to be aware..that came about the hard way. Divorce. The second step was almost as hard..to actually incorporate some of it into my life and force it to be habit. It was a process but one key was to work through a lot of crap just like you are describing and a whole lot of I do this because xxx and reach the point where you finally grasp so what? You know you shouldn't do xxx are you being forced to keep doing it? No. Its a naked feeling and in a lot of cases best done with the support of someone you're alright being totally exposed to. A therapist can give you that..you pay for it. I was lucky..divorce made fixing things a priority. I was broken and there was no other job more important. You find that when you give yourself the opportunity and you have the motivation you get it done. Ask yourself are you good with being this way? I'm sure there are some aspect you do like, but you don't like this you do you? You like the you that you want to be a LOT more. So why not give yourself that? Why not make that a HUGE priority? Now some would say that's the most selfish thing of all to give it all back to yourself. However you'll find that when you do give, it's much more real and when you own the choice to do so you won't get caught in this trap you're in. You won't worry about why the other person doesn't seem to realize it or understand because it won't matter as much. Because you know you can meet your own needs. There's a lot more to it than that but you boil it down..you make your life..and you're responsible for your own condition.