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Married ladies wants real sex Palmer here is the key to conundrum: "He refuses to hire a lawyer, stating "he can't afford it" and won't get a personal to finance it." He is keeping the problem in place by refusing to do the only thing that lead to a solution. Your choices are: A. accept the status quo and learn to live with the sword hanging over your head (and thereby let other people plan your life) B. convince him to do what he already knows he should do C. put your own money on the line and hire an attorney for at least an initial consultation D. give him an ultimatim, and then be prepared with your next step in case he opts to continue on his path of inaction. I'm sure you'd prefer Option B, as would I. If you want to influence him to action on Option B, it would help to have a list of very compelling arguments in favor of Option B. I'm sure you don't need any help with that. But you might want to go to an individual consultation with a Family/Estate attorney and/or divorce attorney (or both) to get a rundown on exactly what could happen if nothing is done here. You can get a very low cost consultation by a referral from your local BAR Association. Or you can go to the library and check out some NOLO books on divorce and estate planning. Or do both. Some of his ex's concerns can be ameliorated and negotiated with the aid of savvy estate planning instruments. The mentally ill adult and her would benefit from some sort of trust. And I would suggest that such a trust be contributed to by the ex as well. That's just one example.