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shoulda said it in person w4m
I've thought about writing one of these for a long time, and here goes. It has been almost exactly 3 years since we had our falling out. It was ridiculous. I really care about you. I always will. But you treated me like shit. I will always be thankful that you took me in when my own family wouldnt, but i wasn't as bad as you thought. I didn't know how often the cats were getting fed upstairs. I spent all of my time with you when i could and when I wasn't with you i was helping my family or sick . And you were great about that, but you always questioned everything my doctors told me and would say things like "a doctor would never tell you that"...well guess what, they did and you just couldnt stand not knowing everything and being wrong and it would literally make me feel like i had to defend everything i said. And i know i havent always made the best choices, but you never even gave me a chance. When i met you I was going through the peak of my sickness, it was so bad there were days i wouldnt be able to do anything but sit in my bed crying, shaking, and trying not to vomit. But i doubt you realized that. You probably just thought i was lazy. you accused me of complaining every time i did the dishes, well yeah, I think i literally made TWO comments ONE time about how the water gets cold after 15 minutes! so excuse me for not liking cold water to wash dishes. but i was never upset about doing it. And what other issues need addressing. Oh yes, food stamps. you wanted me to get on food stamps since i couldnt work.yeah, i probably should have, but at that time i couldnt accept my life the way it was. i was 19 and I couldnt accept that I had a long term sickness. I would spend each week wishing that by the next i would be better and i would be able to go and find a job.and not be a mooching loser on foodstamps. but even still, i brought food into that house, and i contributed, just not how YOU wanted me to. the day everything went down i heard you bitching from downstairs about me and how i was too worried about always being there for my mom( i wont even say the words you used to describe her) and how i was always just upstairs. well i was always upstairs because I WAS SICK and im sorry, but when you feel as crappy as i did, you dont want to go and have to be around everybody else. just a little understanding in that situation would have been nice.. but yeah, you horribly insulted my mom and didnt expect me to get upset? well i did and stuff was said....obviously some stuff i didnt mean...but mostly stuff i did. And you kicked me out the week before christmas...real classy home boy. But i get it. you felt like you had no control over me and that was the only thing you could control. so you did it. Fine. I am honestly glad you kicked me out. The type of people you were friends with were interesting, but i am glad they are not people i see everyday.and you were never a good friend.I still remember that guy you drugged up so you could steal his money and shit...i went with it cuz it was your house, but i never felt right about that and it really opened my eyes to you a little,. I can honestly also say, you may share your name with a saint, but you my friend, are no saint. You do not do gods work, and "the god that speaks" to you, is no god of mine. And honey, god doesnt talk to you, you just need to lay off the hard drugs a little. because, yes, coccaine is a hard drug...duh. In conclusion, i really do care about you. I wish that things didnt turn out the way they did. I wish that we could be friends. But i dont think i could ever just be friends with you. I love you and thats why i cant say this stuff to your face. You had your chance with me and instead, even when it was obvious to you i was in love with you, you would just talk about banging other chicks, (including my cousin). Well, after three years, I regret how it all went down, but i am happy. The man i almost left for you , is now my husband. He is the most kind, caring,smart, strong, and amazing person i know. He would jump in front of a bullet for me, and i for him. You had said back then you were looking for wife material. well guess what, im the best wife ever and you could have had me. I bake, i cook, i clean, I DO EVERYTHING now. And i dont mean just the basics, i literally cook like a chef in a 5 star restaurant. Oh, and i am starting my own business now. so booyah. I am only going up from here, and i just hope you know how much you missed out on because you couldnt open your eyes or your heart. oh, and yeah, im not as skinny as i'd like, but i've been working on that too. So i guess with all this said. this is it. I would love a reply to hear your side of things still. but i dont expect one. I doubt you even look at these. I just needed closure since we never talked....
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